So Thankful for...

• A sling to carry the babe around in. She hates to be put down and likes to be snug when falling asleep, so it's the perfect compromise. I can hold her and not feel guilty for putting her down too much AND I can have my hands free!
• Simone's hips are ok thus far, which makes it possible for me to use the sling. I couldn't put Laila in the sling, as it pushed her legs together too much.
• Sesame Street DVDs to entertain the tot when I need to keep her occupied during a feeding or send out a few emails
• Friends and family who have been bringing us meals 3 times a week for the last 4 weeks. I have probably made 3 dinners all month and it's been so nice not to worry about cooking. Not sure when I would fit that into my day at this point!
• Simone is figuring out nights and it's taking less time to get her back to sleep, she's been sleeping soundly between feeds, and the feeds are stretching out a bit.
• My mom and Charlie's mom coming over during the week to help out around the house, entertain the kids, or watch the kids so that I can run to the store.

Life with Two

Since I am laid up with a bout of mastitis and Laila is with my parents, I have some quiet moments to write down a few thoughts on the last few weeks.

People keep asking me how it's going with two and my first response is that it's been easier going from 1 to 2 kids than it was going from 0 to 1. We've already adjusted to a lifestyle that involves nights in and a lot less social life. I am used to being home a fair amount during the week, since I only work part time. So, really, not too much has changed there. But I will say, the rude awakening to night-time feeds and screaming baby who doesn't want to go back to sleep at 2 am is shocking. It's amazing how much of that is blocked out from the previous child. We've gotten so used to our tot who sleeps from 7:30 pm to 7 am without a peep during the night (usually). And having to get up again during the night multiple times and then be "on" all day for the tot is tough. But, somehow, you get through.

Charlie and I have had a lot of conversations about parenting a newborn lately. First, the newborn stage definitely is not our favorite stage of baby-hood. Second, we've decided that it isn't really parenting, so much as survival. It's all about getting through each day in a mild frenzy, making sure that kids are fed, diapered, loved and allowed to sleep. It's hoping that the time until 6 and 12 weeks of age goes very quickly, as we're convinced those milestones will be turning points in Simone's habits. The act of survival during these initial weeks takes a toll on the marriage, too. It definitely takes a backseat to the everyday tasks of making it through. I look forward to the day when I know that I am giving Charlie a significant part of my attention again and can focus on us, instead of just spending 20 minutes of barely awake time with him in the evenings.

But I don't want to sound like this has all been bad. It's been amazing to see Laila adjust to not having all of the attention and just spend her days toddling around the house, entertaining herself with whatever she can find. She's discovered hiding in closets, carrying bags around on her arm (sometimes 5 at a time), carrying garbage cans around the house (ew), and playing with all of Simone's things. I was definitely worried about how she'd adjust, as she was such a sensitive kiddo early on, crying whenever other kids cried, not liking to be around other kids, etc. But she has never gotten upset with Simone's screaming, she thinks it's funny when we shush Simone, and she is very careful around her (meaning, she doesn't want to touch her, so she just walks around her).

Simone definitely is not the "easy" baby we were hoping for this time around (we figured we were due for an easy baby after Laila's tough early days), but we feel much more equipped this time with tactics to calm her down and the knowledge that it's just a phase. She loves to be held and is less than pleased to be put down for more than a minute or two. That doesn't work so well when there's an older sister who needs attention as well. The sling has been a life-saver! She's a screamer whenever she decides it's time to sleep. Whether she's held, in bed, in the swing, in the sling, in the car seat, she'll have a total meltdown before she falls asleep. Then she'll sleep for about 5 minutes, wake up, and repeat the screaming one or two more times. We've gotten used to this routine and know that it's her way of falling asleep. At first, I felt like a jerk of a parent for letting her cry for a little while in the swing, but once I realized that she does it no matter where she is, I stopped feeling so badly. It lasts such a short time, usually, and it is sometimes just the way that things are when you're not an only child!

I feel pretty calm most days, but I do have my weepy moments of worrying that I'm not giving enough attention to Laila anymore, that I'll miss out on teaching moments with her, that I'm not giving Simone enough of the "play time" that I used to give Laila at this age (reading to her, talking to her up close, tummy time, etc), and that Charlie has had to take on the task of being the glue that keeps us all together lately. Splitting my time between two makes me worry less about other things (like what Laila's eating and how much, etc), but it makes me wonder if I am doing a good job with it thus far. But don't you think that the act of wondering about these things and desiring to be "good enough" as a mom means that I am doing ok, since I am actually stopping to ask myself these questions??

Enough rambling thoughts for now. Will post photos soon.

And on a side note, I miss work. I miss the social interaction and using my brain in ways that it doesn't get tapped here at home!

And it's a Girl!

It's 4 days later, but we did have a baby on the 19th. Simone Elise, born at 5:12 pm, 6 lbs 10 oz and 21 inches long. She has the roundest face, big eyes, sandy blonde hair and very blonde eyelashes and eyebrows. The labor and delivery were a story completely unlike the last one, but that will be for another post. All I will say right now is that it was a completely calm delivery and a fantastic experience to round out my birthing stories.

Her name comes not from any family significance, but just two names that we found beautiful, much like Laila's. Simone means "listening" and has Hebrew and French origins. Elise is Hebrew and means "My God is a vow".

Will post photos when time!

Update on Baby

Dilated to 4 with nary a contraction. Induction scheduled for next Wed the 19th, if Babe doesn't decide to show up before then. Am hoping to keep my legs crossed and do some Kegels all weekend to keep Babe in while I work my last 4 shifts.

Few More Tidbits

I thought of a couple of things I didn't add to yesterday's post

• Laila has discovered saying "oh" to just about everything. The face she makes is classic. And she's learned how to hide around corners so that she can peek around and try to scare us or play peek-a-boo. So adorable, that one!
• Despite posting that I am terrified of going through childbirth again, I am very excited about a little one again (pulling out those newborn clothes and diapers got me in the mood for a wee one). I have been thinking a lot about Laila's newborn period and what I look forward to again with this one and what I might like to do differently this time around. And I am very tired of being pregnant about 50% of the time, usually at night when my back is screaming at me in bed or when I wake up every 1-2 hrs to heave myself over to the other side, so I am ready to get the babe out.
• That said, we have been thankful for every day that the baby has stayed in and kept growing, as I am measuring pretty small this time and the baby is about 3 weeks behind on growth. We had an ultrasound done 2 weeks ago, due to the slow growth, and he or she could use a little more "cooking" before coming out. Laila wasn't exactly a large child, so it's not really a surprise that I don't grow big babies, but I can definitely tell that I am smaller this time around.
• Childbirth...am going to try do it without drugs, since we anticipate another quick delivery and I figure that I survived it once, so I can do it again. I remember quite vividly how painful it was, but also the amazing satisfaction of feeling the baby come out with that final push. As soon as Laila was born, I could suddenly understand why women always share their childbirth stories. It is the most difficult and fascinating accomplishment that a body can go through.

This and That

Random things from the last week or two...

• 39 weeks tomorrow. We are as ready as can be, though I still have great aspirations of making up a bunch of meals to put in the freezer. I did some major grocery stock-up last week, to the point that it looks like we're planning on not leaving the house for many weeks. But I can't imagine getting out with 2 under 2 in this frigid winter weather, so I thought I'd stock up. I will say, the "nesting" instinct really kicked in for both Charlie and I in the last 1.5 weeks and we have done a ton of work to get the house cleaned, the nursery ready, Laila's room finished and shop for new living room furniture. Yes, on top of everything else, we thought it was a great time to start over on the living room decor. Couch to be delivered 2 days before my due date. Yikes. I think we got a bit overzealous with nesting.
• I am terrified of childbirth again. The last time was never blogged about, as I didn't know how to put it all into words, but all I can remember is serious pain and everything going by so quickly that I felt out of control during the whole situation. We are anticipating an even faster delivery this time (less than the 2.5 hours it took for Laila to be born?!??!) and therefore, we might choose to have an induction (just breaking my water) in order to have a more controlled situation. Having a child at home or on the way to the hospital in the middle of January is not my idea of a good time, so we are probably going to side with the midwife on this one. Will know more tomorrow after my midwife appt.
• Laila has changed so much in the last 2 weeks. She started to walk on Jan 1 (hence, the split lip that same day) and while she is still very cautious, she is doing more every day and often walks from room to room without hanging on to anything. She gets so excited about it and tries to do a little dance when praised. She's saying more words, especially "Mama" and "Dada", which is so endearing. She's eating like a champ, doing lots of sign language, has figured out where I keep the chocolate chips in the cupboard, learned how to pick her nose (much to our dismay), and likes to stomp (for fun, not out of anger). She is really good at letting us know what she wants or that she understands us by nodding "yes" or "no".
• I get a bit verklempt when I realize Laila's not going to get all of my attention anymore. I anticipate that she's going to have a hard time with it, as she is very sensitive about change. But I have had two friends (both of whom had 2 kids very close in age) this week tell me to remember that I am giving her an incredible gift by giving her a sibling and to remember that when I am feeling guilty about not giving Laila as much time as I used to give her. At first, I didn't think too much of this idea, but then I started thinking about how fantastic my childhood and adulthood have been because of my sisters. I can't imagine my life without them and that's what I hope Laila will feel someday.
• We are supposed to get 100 lbs or so of beef in the next week or two from our family friends in WI. Not great timing as far as getting the freezer cleaned out and ready, but it will be great for bringing my hemoglobin back up after childbirth (if it's anything like the last time, when I bled a ton and was anemic for weeks).

That about covers it.

What a Week...

Our lives normally are pretty routine, scheduled, orderly. This week has been one of sheer chaos, to the point that I have cried an endless number of times and my normally calm husband has nearly hit breakdown mode several times as well. I don't have time to go into the details at the moment. I thought that starting a new year today would turn over a new leaf on this week, but it culminated in the little one splitting her lip and experiencing her first blood-shed. Now, I know that accidents and owies are a part of childhood and that I shouldn't be surprised, but since she's such a careful kiddo, we have gotten by without any major incidents. But she was playing in the basement while we went upstairs to make lunch (as she often decides she'd rather do) and the next thing I know, she's wailing and standing at the bottom of the stairs, dripping blood. I felt like the WORST mother in the world for not being there when she fell (she hit her lip on the wooden ballister at the bottom of the steps- there's a gouge in the wood where her tooth must have hit). When it was all said and done and she was calm, I cried while cleaning the blood off the carpet. I didn't cry for the sake of the carpet, but rather because of the horror and pain of seeing my child bleed.

And so begins a new year...

It will get better, right?