Smitten Kitten

Little Kitten for Halloween (too bad you can't see the tail in this photo)

This is how she wakes up the in morning. I am obsessed!!

Where does the time go? 4 months next week. How is our little Peanut so old already? And doing so many "big girl" things- reaches for things when we're holding her and something in our other hand, holding her head up, loves to stand on our laps, laughs, and last night, when I went in at midnight to feed her, I discovered that she was wide awake and on her back.... But she sleeps on her tummy, so somehow, she rolled over. Smart little cookie.

Yesterday she woke up from her afternoon nap quite cranky and so I sat down in the rocking chair to feed her. She ate and then dozed off at the end of the feeding. While I usually try to encourage naps in her crib, I decided to take advantage of this moment of bonding and just hold her for awhile. I couldn't help but marvel at her and realize how incredibly smitten I am with this little girl. I LOVE having a little girl and I am now realizing that I love being a mom! It was one heck of a rocky start, beginning with the 2.5 hours of insane labor and the fast delivery, all of which happened in a blur and seemed to leave me unprepared to be thrust into the realm of motherhood. I spent those first few months in a fog, as she wasn't a great sleeper, I was so anxious that I could barely sleep myself, I couldn't nap, I couldn't eat at times, I found myself getting angry about things that shouldn't have set me off, and I spent a lot of time wondering what I had gotten myself into. All of the things that I have used to define myself, such as my job, my friendships, my ability to stay on top of things and be organized, my freedom to keep a busy schedule and be out with my husband, all of those things were gone. And now, between working hard at getting her to sleep (thank you "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child") which has made her into a completely new baby, letting her sleep on her tummy, low dose anti-depressants for me, sleep for myself (well, still getting up 2-3 times a night, but it's do-able), and seeing her little personality come alive post-newborn phase, it's been an amazing month! I can honestly say that I look forward to spending her waking hours with her, I love going into her room in the morning (even if it is at 7 am) and seeing her hold her head up and peek around the room and grin as soon as she sees me, and I miss her dearly when I am at work (but am grateful for the little breaks and the adult conversation and the income!).