And we're done...

Well, the no-pacifier plan for nighttime is over. As are the l-o-n-g stretches of sleep that she gave us for 3 nights. It was a bad night with not enough sleep for anyone. So, we are back to the pacifier and we are loaded up with new books on sleep. The one I am devouring at the moment is 'The No-Cry Sleep Solution" By Elizabeth Pantley. Thus far, am loving it. She has methods of getting babies and older kids to sleep without going to either the "cry it out" or the "just live with it" camps. So we are going to read this book from cover to cover and starting tomorrow, we will start logging Peanut's naps and night-time sleep (and wakings!). From there, we'll start working on new habits. Thankfully, this woman totally understands the baby or toddler who won't sleep without something in their mouth and frequently wake up when they realize that it's not there anymore. And much of her plan to get kids sleeping longer focuses on weaning them off of this in a loving, gentle way. Which is really all we can do with a 10 week old who is too young for crying it out and is dearly attached to her pacifier. So, stay tuned for the results of this woman's ideas- though she does state that it can take weeks to months. That's fine, as long as we see improvement from the current nighttime disaster!

On a side note, I was thinking about how depressing it can be to talk to other parents when they ask you how nights are going and you tell them the truth. Either they tell you their horror stories about how their 18 month old still doesn't sleep through the night or they give you glowing reports of how their baby slept through the night for 8 hours by the time they were 4 weeks old. FYI, peeps- neither of those makes an overwrought new mother feel any better!

Turkey-Lurkey

Nope, not a post about the holiday. Rather, a posting chronicling going "cold turkey" with no pacifier use at night. It's something that started to become an issue about 2 weeks ago, in which Peanut started to wake up frequently during the night, just for her pacifier. At first, it was fine. When it became 5 or 6 times a night, it was getting ridiculous. She couldn't keep herself asleep without it. We were debating getting rid of it altogether, but we decided to wait to read some books from the library. Well, seeing as how we're still waiting on those ordered books to be ready for pick-up at the library (really, how long can it take??? Especially when there are available copies that just need to be brought in from a different branch!), we had to take matters into our own hands. On Tues night, she was awake within 45 minutes of being put down for bed and fussing for her pacifier. Ugh. So, we stopped giving it to her. There was a lot of rocking, shushing (Thank you, Dr Karp "The Happiest Baby on the Block"), screaming on her part, etc But it finally worked and she fell asleep sans pacifier. And she stayed asleep for 4 hours, after which she woke up to eat and then went right back to sleep.

Night #2 Went to bed easily without the pacifier, as she had just bottled and drifted off to sleep while being burped. We laid her down and she slept for 4 hours. 1:30 am feeding- ate and then proceeded to scream until 2 because I tried to put her down without the pacifier. Again, lots of rocking, shushing, etc She did wake up once about 10 minutes later and we rocked her (well, the standing/jiggling/side-lying kind of rocking) and then put her down. She slept until 7:3o am. Like a rock.

Night #3 Fussed at bedtime (well, screamed is more like it for this feisty girl) for about 20 minutes, then went down and slept until 3:30 am. Wow. Went to bed easily after her feeding. Was awake at 6:15, which she hasn't done in a week or so. I didn't know what to do with her, so I fed her and brought her to bed with me and she slept until 8. Pacifier free.

I think the trade off here is that now I've become the pacifier, meaning that if she eats, she'll drift off to sleep. Or that she needs to be rocked to near-sleep, whereas before we could put her in bed somewhat awake, but with the pacifier, and she'd conk out. But she is sleeping soundly for long periods of time, which is a sigh of relief for all.

I will add two things to this. 1) I'm discovering how much I fear her temper at bedtime. She is such a pistol and her screams can get to me, to the point that I lose patience and start to worry about whether I can keep my calm with her. It's so hard to remember that I am the adult and that she is a little baby who can't control things. And that the ways in which we talk to her and treat her are already forming her emotions and brain. 2) The Pacifier is still in use during the day. We aren't brave enough to take it away altogether.

Survivor

It's amazing that you can survive on little sleep for 2 months. And that you wake up one day and realize that 2 months have flown by in a fog and now little Peanut is smiling, cooing, batting at toys, can find us in the room when she hears our voices, etc. At the same time, I think it's been the longest 2 months of my life, as the constant questioning, researching, fretting, and sheer exhaustion make the days so long sometimes. I never thought that I would stress so much about being a mom. Yes, I work with babies all day at work and am comfortable with them, but it's the 24/7 duty of sleep schedules, feedings, baby sleeping too much one week and not enough the next, wondering if I am doing all the right things, wondering if breastfeeding is really working for us, etc that have me bound into a bundle of anxiety. Somehow, the babe grows and thrives in the midst of my fretting.

And let's talk about the unexpected parts of motherhood...

• No one warned me that I would feel like a camel when breastfeeding. The constant need for water is unbelievable!
• Sleeping when you are already over-tired becomes a challenge- it's almost harder to fall asleep and stay asleep.
• Feeling ready for bed at 8:30 pm. What?!??! I am a night owl, I can thrive on not much sleep. When I work day shifts at get up at 5:30, I can usually go to bed at 11 and be just fine. I would never dream of going to bed before 10:30. And now, it's all I can do to stay awake long enough to have a decent conversation with Snugs.
• How hard it is to have a conversation with Snugs that doesn't revolve around baby-ness and parenthood. And when we do have moments when it's just the two of us, I can barely put a sentence or a reasonable thought together.
• Staring at your child at the end of the day, when you're both exhausted, and thinking "she might have to be our one and only". I always pictured myself as a mother of 4. Now if I can make it through 1, I'll be doing well. Which is ironic, considering we aren't using b.c.
• How excited I get to have some moments away from Peanut, in which I can run errands without the 20 lbs of car sear/child. And how excited I am to see her again when I get home.
• The love/hate relationship with breastfeeding. Some days it's wonderful, other days I feel like she is absolutely fighting me and I can't tell if she's gotten enough food, whether I ate the wrong things, whether she likes bottling better, etc. I've had more than my fair share of moments of wondering if I should just pump and bottle, but heck, that sounds like double duty. Plus it's so easy in the middle of the night to just feed her and not have to trudge around for bottles.
• How I dread hearing her wake up 45 minutes into her naps, which is this week's phenomenon (one that I am less than pleased about). And that's what just happened now, so I am off to coax her into more sleep...