Life with Two

Since I am laid up with a bout of mastitis and Laila is with my parents, I have some quiet moments to write down a few thoughts on the last few weeks.

People keep asking me how it's going with two and my first response is that it's been easier going from 1 to 2 kids than it was going from 0 to 1. We've already adjusted to a lifestyle that involves nights in and a lot less social life. I am used to being home a fair amount during the week, since I only work part time. So, really, not too much has changed there. But I will say, the rude awakening to night-time feeds and screaming baby who doesn't want to go back to sleep at 2 am is shocking. It's amazing how much of that is blocked out from the previous child. We've gotten so used to our tot who sleeps from 7:30 pm to 7 am without a peep during the night (usually). And having to get up again during the night multiple times and then be "on" all day for the tot is tough. But, somehow, you get through.

Charlie and I have had a lot of conversations about parenting a newborn lately. First, the newborn stage definitely is not our favorite stage of baby-hood. Second, we've decided that it isn't really parenting, so much as survival. It's all about getting through each day in a mild frenzy, making sure that kids are fed, diapered, loved and allowed to sleep. It's hoping that the time until 6 and 12 weeks of age goes very quickly, as we're convinced those milestones will be turning points in Simone's habits. The act of survival during these initial weeks takes a toll on the marriage, too. It definitely takes a backseat to the everyday tasks of making it through. I look forward to the day when I know that I am giving Charlie a significant part of my attention again and can focus on us, instead of just spending 20 minutes of barely awake time with him in the evenings.

But I don't want to sound like this has all been bad. It's been amazing to see Laila adjust to not having all of the attention and just spend her days toddling around the house, entertaining herself with whatever she can find. She's discovered hiding in closets, carrying bags around on her arm (sometimes 5 at a time), carrying garbage cans around the house (ew), and playing with all of Simone's things. I was definitely worried about how she'd adjust, as she was such a sensitive kiddo early on, crying whenever other kids cried, not liking to be around other kids, etc. But she has never gotten upset with Simone's screaming, she thinks it's funny when we shush Simone, and she is very careful around her (meaning, she doesn't want to touch her, so she just walks around her).

Simone definitely is not the "easy" baby we were hoping for this time around (we figured we were due for an easy baby after Laila's tough early days), but we feel much more equipped this time with tactics to calm her down and the knowledge that it's just a phase. She loves to be held and is less than pleased to be put down for more than a minute or two. That doesn't work so well when there's an older sister who needs attention as well. The sling has been a life-saver! She's a screamer whenever she decides it's time to sleep. Whether she's held, in bed, in the swing, in the sling, in the car seat, she'll have a total meltdown before she falls asleep. Then she'll sleep for about 5 minutes, wake up, and repeat the screaming one or two more times. We've gotten used to this routine and know that it's her way of falling asleep. At first, I felt like a jerk of a parent for letting her cry for a little while in the swing, but once I realized that she does it no matter where she is, I stopped feeling so badly. It lasts such a short time, usually, and it is sometimes just the way that things are when you're not an only child!

I feel pretty calm most days, but I do have my weepy moments of worrying that I'm not giving enough attention to Laila anymore, that I'll miss out on teaching moments with her, that I'm not giving Simone enough of the "play time" that I used to give Laila at this age (reading to her, talking to her up close, tummy time, etc), and that Charlie has had to take on the task of being the glue that keeps us all together lately. Splitting my time between two makes me worry less about other things (like what Laila's eating and how much, etc), but it makes me wonder if I am doing a good job with it thus far. But don't you think that the act of wondering about these things and desiring to be "good enough" as a mom means that I am doing ok, since I am actually stopping to ask myself these questions??

Enough rambling thoughts for now. Will post photos soon.

And on a side note, I miss work. I miss the social interaction and using my brain in ways that it doesn't get tapped here at home!