Fear and Loathing

Let's be honest...I dislike cooking. Recipes intimidate me. Fresh veggies stare at me, begging to be used to their flavorful fullness, and I can only roll my eyes and wish that someone else would cook it up for me. If a recipe has too many steps or ingredients that are new to me, I dismiss it. Give me the Betty Crocker cookbook any day. I groan at the load of dishes that gathers after making one meal, a meal that is enjoyed for 30 minutes and during which, most likely, my kids will have thrown the fruits of my labor on the floor or flat out rejected (to which I think 'why did I even bother to cook?'). To make a mess of the kitchen that I just spent a hour cleaning seems like a crying shame. To spend an hour or two preparing a recipe that falls flat on its face is fodder for my loathing. I don't find rest and comfort in the process. It's simply a necessity of the day, a thing to be checked off, and then be on to more fulfilling prospects. If I were rich, I wouldn't bother with a nanny or someone to clean my house. I like taking care of my kids and cleaning soothes me. But I would hire a cook faster than you can say "foodie."

I actually thought, at one point, about starting a blog dedicated to the many reasons that I dislike cooking. Let's be honest: there are thousands of blogs and websites dedicated those who take glory in the stirring, the blending of beautiful colors, the calm that surrounds them as they create sumptuous meals. But are there blogs out there for those like me? Those who love to eat the food, but get a pit in their stomach at the thought of having to make it? Those who get pit stains from the sheer effort of trying to come up with new meal ideas for their family?

Don't get me wrong: I love to eat. I love to eat good, healthy food, with some tasty desserts thrown in. I love seeing what veggies come from my parents' garden and the idea of eating what's in season or what's local fascinates me. I love to eat out at new restaurants and I love it even more when it's a night that I don't have to cook dinner. I guess that not every day or every meal is fear and loathing. But there are definitive moments in my cooking career that definitely tip the scales.

Tonight was just another check mark for the "dislike" vs. "like" of cooking. I decided to be resourceful and use up another of our winter squash from the farmer's market. It was a bright orange round thing, a Golden Nugget, per my mom. I cooked it up just as Betty Crocker suggested (perhaps my first problem of the evening was following her directions and not my mom's). After 45 min, it was still a little hard, so back in the oven it went. After an hour, the chicken was done, the kids were in their chairs hollering for food, and the squash had to be done. Now how to get steaming hot squash out of the shells? Pick it up with an oven mitt and scrape it out with a fork, right? That's a great idea until the hot juices from inside the squash runs down the oven mitt and soaks right through the mitt. And then the shell of the squash, to which I nearly lost a finger trying to cut through when it was raw, decided to completely fall apart as I'm scraping out the innards. As I am trying to pick up the bits of shell to salvage the squash "meat", I realize that the squash isn't nearly as cooked as one might hope. So I am trying to pry hot hard squash from a flimsy shell, meanwhile thinking, "who needs fingertips anyway?" After I finally cut and scrape as much as I can handle from the shell (read: as much as my burnt fingertips allowed), I attempted to pull my wits about me and make something edible from this. A few more minutes of cooking in the microwave didn't exactly make a buttery smooth squash dish. That's when I took out my weapon of choice: the immersion blender. The final product was a somewhat bland (despite my additions of salt, butter, and brown sugar), mildly chunky squash puree. Not at all what I had imagined. Surprisingly, both kids ate a little squash with minimal coaxing and all that was left at the end of the night was a little container of leftovers, bound for the fridge, a reminder of the daily disaster.

So, notes to self, Sweet Dumpling squash is WAY tastier and much easier to cook than Golden Nugget. Golden Nugget looks pretty and its looks are only skin deep. And the butternut squash soup that I made for Christmas Eve, intimidating as it was, turned out pretty amazing. Perhaps there is hope for a "hater" like me.

And we call her...

Pet names for Simone thus far:

• Sweets
• Squishy
• Party-party (when she doesn't want to sleep)
• Play-play (also when she doesn't want to sleep)
• Thumper (bangs her legs on the bed all night long)

Two of the most ridiculous photos of her thus far:

I cannot stop laughing at this photo!

These piggy pj's were Charlie's favorites on Laila, so naturally I had to unearth them prior to the time at the cabin (chilly nights up there!). And I have no idea what was going on with her smile, but it looks like she's about to let loose with blowing raspberries. Which, naturally, one would want to do with the excessive amounts of drool that she produces.

Parenting Moment

Of all of the funny moments of the last 2 years, here was the most amazing one by far. At dinner the other night, Laila let out a huge toot and we just looked at her and said, "Was that you?" She paused and then said, in a total 2 year old voice, "Awesome!" We burst into laughter and tried to look away, so that she wouldn't see us laughing, but that was worthless, as neither of us could stop once we got going.

Of note, that was her first time using the word "awesome" and it was in the right context. But who knew she was such a tomboy about such things?

Memory

Tomorrow morning we are headed to my parents' cabin in Hayward for 5 days. I cannot wait to get out of town for a few days.

This, I know, is not very exciting for an update. But the part of preparation for the cabin that's been so fascinating to me is hearing Laila talk ALL day about the cabin. Not just repeating the word "cabin", but talking about things that she remembers up there or things that happened the last time or two that we were there. She'll get really quiet and look off into space and then suddenly talk about "moon at cabin"- she and I took a mid-morning walk last time we were there and we saw the white moon still in the bright blue sky. She was fascinated. Or she'll talk about the toys up there or my parents. And I'm pretty sure that having no concept of time only frustrates her, as she can't understand when tomorrow is. So she asked for "cabin" all day and when I said "later", she'd start to cry. The irrationality of those moments is pittance compared to observing her growing excitement for a trip to a place that she knows and realizing that her ability to remember is fully engaged. It does make me wonder what her first actual memories will be. My first memory is from Christmas of 1978, right after I'd turned 2. That's Laila's age. Crazy.

How Long?

Ack! It's been 4.5 months since I last posted? How did that happen and where did the time go? Just about every day, a brilliant post will come to mind or the kids will do something that makes me want to post. However, having the time to post vs. the desire is a different bag indeed.

I will say, we are slowly but surely entering into the season in which the kids nap at the same in the afternoon for longer periods of time. It used to be that Simone would nap for 20-30 min in the afternoon, during which I would get NOTHING done, because I'd spend every moment trying to decide what was most important to do during those 20 minutes. Having an hour or two to myself in the afternoon is glorious and frees up my brain to hopefully start posting again.

As penance for my long absence, here are recent photos

I will be so sad when Simone's teeth come through and she loses the giant gummy smile!

Leave

If I had to do it all over again, I wouldn't choose to have a baby in January and be on maternity leave during the bleakness of a Minnesota winter. My co-workers told me over and over again how great it would be to have a baby in the winter, to be able to just snuggle in for 10 weeks of leave. Yes, well, lying around inside is NOT my idea of a good time and when there's an active 1.5 year old in the picture, all I want to do is get OUT. Even being able to play out in the yard with Laila while Simone naps indoors would be a great reprieve from the long days we spend inside. It makes every day feel like this huge hurdle to get over, just trying to find things to fill the hours. Oh, winter, please go away! Spring, show us your welcome face!

So Thankful for...

• A sling to carry the babe around in. She hates to be put down and likes to be snug when falling asleep, so it's the perfect compromise. I can hold her and not feel guilty for putting her down too much AND I can have my hands free!
• Simone's hips are ok thus far, which makes it possible for me to use the sling. I couldn't put Laila in the sling, as it pushed her legs together too much.
• Sesame Street DVDs to entertain the tot when I need to keep her occupied during a feeding or send out a few emails
• Friends and family who have been bringing us meals 3 times a week for the last 4 weeks. I have probably made 3 dinners all month and it's been so nice not to worry about cooking. Not sure when I would fit that into my day at this point!
• Simone is figuring out nights and it's taking less time to get her back to sleep, she's been sleeping soundly between feeds, and the feeds are stretching out a bit.
• My mom and Charlie's mom coming over during the week to help out around the house, entertain the kids, or watch the kids so that I can run to the store.